Have you ever had a hell of a breakup that feels like your whole life is draining out from you?  You can’t sleep, eat or go out and simplify your life is a living hell. It’s not living. It’s just breathing.  This phase can last for years. Trust me. The more you love, the more you suffer.

Along with this ‘walking through hell’ phase, you might have realized that your life changes as you have never imagined. You get used to pain, willingly or unwillingly because once your heart is broken, it will never be the same.

With this closing chapter, you will realize that you are changing. With time, you will believe people less and will start to use the brain (fortunately!). So when the time comes, you will find another ‘The One’ from God knows where. But are you the same person? No darling. You are matured now. So it doesn’t matter whether this is Mr. Perfect or not because for you what matters now is ‘YOU’.

Even if you are in a relationship, you will know when to leave him if it’s not gonna work. You know what you deserve and you will never settle for less. This is the miraculous result you get for loving someone who never loved you back. So, when you leave someone, you are leaving him in search of yourself. Your gut will tell you that this man cannot make you happy. That’s it. There’s no point of trying to change him because that’s the way he is. So you just leave the table and never returns because honey, if we want to survive we have to take care of ourselves first. because no one is coming to save you.

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86 COMMENTS

  1. So If she does comeback is it safe to say she left for someone else or job opportunities or just experiences in life without you ?

  2. That’s true but the only thing you said is false I have higher power who will never leave or forsake me for he is my healer and my help in situations like that I’m going through it now but I know that’s God showing us how and what and who to love so if I’m leaving someone but growing from someone that I’m purpose for or not possible for. But be blessed and know God is in control all the time I just got to either trust him or be alone which no one wants to be. #familyispurpose
    #loveisgenuine
    #loveisHolySpirit

    • Yasssssssss….glory be to the most high….and yes know that it is already in gods plan for us to go thru trails and tribulations and receive joy along with pain…what god has for you is for you and he places people and things in your life not you…please trust in him always even when it uncomfortable 🥵 as this is part of maturing growth wisdom and knowledge 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

    • No what she said was all encompassing. Not everyone believes in god. So speak for yourself a true author writes to the masses.

  3. What if one does change his/her mind? If you love someone and something goes wrong, what if it’s something about that person and it’s really not that they don’t love you, or that they are betraying you. What if it’s something else inside them that’s causing them to appear as if they are not interested, but they just don’t know where or how to begin?
    And then you misinterpret it and think it’s them,
    And I’m reality it is THEM, except it’s not because of YOU.
    IF YOU SINCERELY LOVE SOMEONE, NEVER MARK THEM OFF BECAUSE YOU THINK SOMETHING.
    KNOW THE FACTS BEFORE YOU ACT.

  4. Sometimes a woman will still be married and has emotionally left because he is what he is! He does not see any reason to change his ways after 30 years of marriage. I decided to change me and my reactions for my Own Peace and Stability ??

    • Yessssss that is elevating to YOUR highest YOU!
      You make the necessary changes to become the best you in what ever situation you have going on around you. It’s not always easy but life teaches us the lessons we are willing to learn.

    • Congratulations girl 1st step to becoming truly free from the inside out. Be blessed on yr journey and embrace it.

  5. I’m a living testimony that this article speaks the truth, I left my 27 year marriage for myself, it was the only way I’d ever find peace and happiness, that was almost three years ago, at first, I was deeply depressed, couldn’t see the light, over some time, I brushed myself off and started the process to live, today, I’m truly happy and in love with “me” and I owe it all to God, would I go back? NEVER! I’d be a fool to go back to just being alive. I prefer to LIVE

  6. KAY
    Unless you have young children. Then get you
    And your spouse into therapy and fight to make it work. It isn’t always about you. If you loved him enough to make babies…you two be the adults , seek counseling, and pray you can grow as a family. Your kids are NOT better off bouncing between two households

    • Did the counseling thing withy husband for quite some. There were many weeks he didn’t even read the chapter we were supposed to read in our book. Sometimes you just have a situation where a person just wants to do what they want to do. After 4 yrs of not only no change for the better, but for the worse including an innapropriate relationship with a girl half his age, I packed mine and my kids stuff up and we left. He is now looi at the possibility of prison for that innapropriate relationship. Things aren’t always fixable if the other half doesn’t want to work on it.

    • Yes, you’re so right. One of the most important decisions of your life. Will save days, years of regret. I agree with this if you have children. Do all of the above – for your family’s sake & your own. Do all you can to save your family. You have to. Hopefully, it will save your family. If not, you will have the peace of knowing you put in the work & tried everything to save your family. Most children will see it too- if not now, one day. There’s nothing weak, dumb, or foolish about this~being vulnerable, going to therapy, swallowing your pride, or forgiving. The same goes -if your marriage can’t be saved. One person can’t truly fix a marriage or a life. & Truth is your family still can be saved. Different but still a family, it can’t end. Family is family- they are what is made of them. Estranged families, bad families, toxic ones but also happy, loving, supporting families regardless of who lives where. Love your children enough to try to be the best parents Or the best parent alone (if the other is not cooperative). That’s all you can do. Love & support them as much as they deserve- regardless of the marriage. You fought for the most important in your life.

      Did I do this? No, I did not, I could (& have) made the excuse of being cheated on (& with a “friend”). I regret not trying before & after . Do I think maybe, just maybe I could have saved my house of 4 if I’d tried all of the above? No. I don’t believe my marriage could’ve been salvaged. ~ But for my kids & myself, I do wish I could say that I did all I could.

  7. If you aren’t good to yourself you are no good to any one,if GOD wants the best for you why wouldn’t you want the best for yourself

  8. If a man cant respect a woman hes not marriage material. If he cant nurture and care for his wife he is daddy material. If he lies cheats and manipulates hes not man material!

  9. It’s real to say that most women today are confused and don’t understand the concept of love anymore. When U found ur beautiful self lost in a man and fails to control your wrong emotions, you’ll be thinking you’re in love and after sometimes the man develops true love for you and wants to be himself then you realises you were lust and the next thing, you just walk away with any excuse you feel can justify your quit.

    Years gone bye yet you were carried a at in lust and believes the holy spirit or God is guiding you? Wrong.

    Love never dies. Love lives in the heart of those who knows the principles of love. You can’t love today and fall out of love tomorrow, besides it is wrong to fall in or out of love rather you can Only show love. No body deserves a higher love than others. The problem is that people hold on to persons or things and mistake them for love all because they have refused to have an open mind towards others. Ure either lust in the will, position, looks or acquisitions in possession of one individual person or thing and will not want to let go of that possession.

    You’ll discover that even in the midst of bad characteristics of any individual, there are other aspects one sees and others don’t which makes one hold on to that individual.

    Ladies, own up to your desires that you will die for before accepting any guy, men should also do same so that we can raise a generation that understands the true context of love.

    #stopsingleparenting
    #cutivateafuturisticlove

  10. And the stubborn is the first and last issue anyone’s willing to put down on the table and leave it there when the temp heats up

  11. What do you make of a man that was cheating before he moved in with someone and nearly 7 years later is still cheating on her! He stays with her for the material things in life and insists he loves her!
    Any ideas folks?

  12. Stay away from manwhores and perverts and pornography and other vulgar violent media. They have no respect and contribute to human trafficking and sexual exploitation. We have a state in USA now banning pornograohy. Find a real gentleman, not a useless disrespectful pervert/manwhore.

    • Amen Martha! Any man who regularly views porn, lusts over women, has violent tendencies, breaks out in anger at the slightest confrontation, is NOT a gentleman nor a man of God. Move on. You can’t save him…

  13. Well, women tend to just wrap everything in all these emotions, and connect everything with everything in such a way, that the end result comes more often than not close to bollywood drama… They should ask a lot more and assume a ton less!!! But that might be, perhaps, close to impossible or them??

  14. Or maybe the woman needs to be honest with herself as for how much she really loved him and accepted him the way he is, not wanting to change him into some imaginary being. Wdyt?

    • Question… Are you discrediting the whole post? I’m just wondering if you feel like what she says isn’t true in some situations.

  15. Hey! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I genuinely enjoy reading your posts. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same subjects? Thanks for your time!

  16. […] Sometimes as parents we look at our children and can’t believe that we’ve created something so precious and so incredibly beautiful. We watch them sleep and listen to their soft breaths. Then thank the universe that we have the opportunity to be responsible for them. Other times we would just kill to have five minutes alone where we can just enjoy our snack and not have to share it and find ourselves longing for those times before the children and when we could eat the chips in peace. (toddler quotes) […]

  17. I understand growth.. Maturity.. But what if the female is having problems in her life and in the end it’s tearing her apart.. And yu as the man have been there for her no matter the circumstance..no judging of her past no pointing the fingers. You try to uplift her and regardless of what you do it’s jus not good enough.. Constantly pushing you away even though deep down she wants you there… Only to be told you can’t do a relationship.. How is that okay?…investing time into someone like dat always being there without an alterior motive..accepting your flaws for what dey are and looking pass them. Den u supposed to just accept a decision..dats F’d up… People don’t want real love or companionship yu don’t get rid of people who is not being negative in your life and trying to help… Yu get rid of people who causes turmoil and wud prefer to watch u suffer… You can grow and mature with someone.. You leave the person who dosent wanna grow with yu..

    • My girl had enough with me. I have trouble understanding things. I get upset and aggervated but i am trying. I do what i can to help. I work away from home and inly go home on the weekends and i feel im left out on a lot. Fight after fight i tried to change and i still want to change to be perfect for her. But she left me and i am still so in love with her but she says sometimes live is not enough

  18. I found out my boyfriend was making females comfortable when I told him not to. A sentence he told a female from Snapchat who claims she’s a “lesbian” is still hurting me. Physically I’m ready to leave him but I’m experiencing attachment trauma so I’m not mentally & emotionally ready. I don’t know what to do I have so much on my plate at 18 right now.

    • I hope you can get some outside support or counseling to help you. If he is not faithful, he is not good for you, period. You are precious. Don’t settle for a man who treats you badly. It is much better to be single than to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t treat you well. There are men out there that have real love to give. I was in a similar situation at 18, and finally I left. I was much happier as I grew and learned to respect myself. Though it took time and more mistakes being willing to give my heart to men that didn’t give true love back, I finally began to learn what true love is from what the Bible says about it. Now I am happily married. We have our struggles sometimes because neither of us is perfect, but my husband is faithful and committed to our relationship, as am I. Take time to learn and grow.

    • Exactly my dear you said it right there, you have your whole life ahead of you “you’ve got a lot on your plate at 18” don’t let this hold you down or side track you. Look to your friends, look to your family look to your future, your career path, enjoy this time and the possibilities. What I would have told my 18 year old self is not to sweat and hold on to things too tight look at change as an adventure. Most guys around your age don’t know any more than you do they’ve got a lot of growing up to do and so do you enjoy it

  19. Great read! A broken heart will help you realize what works for you and that’s for sure. Us ladies have to learn love ourselves FIRST!!!!

  20. I am honestly fed up with this biased one sided misandry, there are PLENTY of MEN who leave the “relationship/marriage” because HE is fed up with the lack of appreciation, abuse and insufferable attitude of entitlement from the girlfriend or wife. He is tired of being treated like a PAYCHECK instead of a loving devoted partner who sacrifices everything for his family.
    This is the whole basis for the MGTOW movement.

    • She wasn’t referring to all men. This post was only for women who are going through the same thing she’s going through… I feel like you would get a post about your concerns from another man… Who is going through that. The title explains it’s from a woman’s point of view about Letting go of a man that needs to be let go of… And If you’re going through something like that..I hope things get better for you

  21. Nov 27 2019
    3 years with insecurities, heartbreak and mental harrassment and I’m still hoping for him to change.

  22. 7 years I finally did it! At a point in a woman’s life you have to say enough is enough! I know myself worth & I deserve better! I am now in a relationship with Me, Myself & I ! We are very happy together! 😉

  23. I finally had to come to terms with the fact that my boyfriend was not for me. He is a self centered narcissist. The day I knew enough was enough was when he told me no one wants me and I would always be alone. That we were never in a relationship and we had been together over 3 years. When he left for work I packed all of his stuff. When he came home it was sitting in the garage where he used to park. It’s been almost a month now and he has yet to apologize. Told me he wants to come back but he can’t come back here to pay my bills bc he has other things he is trying to care of for himself first. My bills?? All he helped pay was utilities. Never helped with any of my stuff. I deserve better and after reading this post I know I made the right decision by putting him out.

  24. My husband stopped having sex with me about 9 months ago.
    He’s don’t this before it lasted more then a year. I’m really unhappy with much of my life and he doesn’t seem phased by it. I’m miserable….

  25. I was Emotionally committed to a dead end relationship for over 25 years…this relationship was off and on over the course of the years, however, I just could Not shake my love for him! When I finally walked away, after he had done the ultimate, marry another…I Finally was Able to really Love Myself!! God Elevated me to another Level and I am Currently Happily Married to the Love of My Love!!! Self-Love Has to Come 1st…And U Can Only Achieve this By Walking Out on Faith and Finding Out Who U Truly Are and What Defines U!! Praying everyone Finds their Inner Peace and Ur Soulmate if that’s Your Desire!!!💯💋💋💯😍👏🏾💯🙌🏾🙌🏾💕💕💕

  26. BS propaganda like this is why good relationships fall apart and people in this world suck so bad. Everyone only cares about them selves, because if this is for woman then it’s for men as well. No one in this world knows them selves, because we are always changing and growing. Dont get me wrong, its important to care and love ones self and put your own priorities 1st. But to tell someone that even with they find mr/miss right, to just throw them away for yourself. This is why there are so many people that get hurt for no reason and why good guys/girls become vain. People come into your life when there ment to, maybe it’s to help you heal or to help you move on with your life. Or maybe the universe has been waiting to send them to you because your finally out of your bs relationship that broke you. So yes take time to heal, take time for you and your life. But dont throw people away because you want to be selfish, dont continue the cycle of pain and anger.

  27. Hello people! Did you read the article? Men, ladies, mothers, did you? Anyone – man, woman posting negative or defensive comments – Please read again~Did you see your name? Is your ex the author? WTH? This article is about women who chatype of relationship that has become unhealthy to the point of her losing herself.~ A one sided relationship that she’s given her all to, that’s created insecurities instead of feeling safe & loved. It is also stated & extremely understood that this transformation & self reflection process is made “over time, years, etc.”. Not at all about selfish women who give up on love quickly to move on to next best thing without a moments thought. & it’s not about her being with men that treat her wonderfully & make her a better person- & her peacing out. & YES this could be an article about men in same situation. Please change women to men, any pronouns that you to stop your crying. Hell Why don’t you write an article about men that go through this?? Good grief people – every article isn’t about you & your struggles. The only reason you could have for paranoia or defense mode is if you dated a relationship writer, therapist, etc. & If so – hell you asked for it & should have treated them better. Get over yourself, take your self love down a notch. & damn Check yourself.

  28. Completely understand now. I’m still in the process of healing while I’m taking the steps to leave. I wish things were different, but after 17 yrs of marriage…..I’m worn out. Not physically abusive just emotional. Alcohol sure changes a person and he was not like this when we dated. After 3 yrs of marriage things started to go sour. It was not so bad at first. Then things started progressing and before I knew it, I found myself hating everything about me. I was lost, insecure and hated myself. I don’t know why or how it happened. He was supposed to be the live of my life….

  29. Sorry but if a woman leaves a man for herself, then she never loved that man to begin with. If she did love him, then she would communicate with him, support him, etc. She wouldn’t try to change him nor would she want him to change. She would love him for him. Same goes for the opposite. Unfortunately most people in today’s society are so self conceited that no one recognizes that anymore.

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